Ho-Ho-Oh-No!
“Ho-ho-oh……..no! I don’t think I have the energy to do the holidays this year. Wait! Yes! The holidays. Twinkling lights. Goodwill toward mankind, Hallmark Christmas movies. Snap out of it, Grinch! This is exactly what we need, especially after the trainwreck of 2020”.
“Ok, Ok, I can do this! I got this. I just won’t think about all that was lost this year. I won’t dwell on the fact Christmas may look different this year, in a year that old traditions would be comforting. The gatherings. Family……”
Cue the emotional breakdown.
”Screw it! I’m just going to sit on the couch in my jammies, guzzling eggnog and binging Christmas cookies. That’s all the holiday spirit I have!”
Welcome to the internal dialogue of my holiday prep talk; The Crash and Burn edition.
Entering into the holiday season is not all jingle bells and ho ho ho for everyone. To be honest, it can be a hard time of year for a lot of people.
Decorating, presents, cooking, and family dynamics. Now add the stress of the holidays in a COVID world, and we are dowsing gasoline on an already blazing fire.
According to NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
1 in 5 adults experience mental illness in the US
19.3% of U.S. adults with mental illness also experienced a substance use disorder
Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide
Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S.
46% of people who die by suicide had a diagnosed mental health condition
17.7 million people in the US in 2018 have stated/admitted to a depressive episode
48 million people in the US in 2018 have identified with having an anxiety disorder
And 9 million people have stated to have PTSD
I can only imagine what those stats will look like for 2020.
The holidays can bring on anxiety and depression and/or trigger old wounds causing our mental health to take a nosedive.
In a sermon by Paul W. Powel, he states, “Depression is the common cold of our emotions. Eventually, it touches everyone, even God’s people”
Yes! No mask or social distancing can keep you immune. And all the Lysol in the world can’t eradicate it.
So if we can’t sanitize depression away, then how do we become aware of its effects on our lives and how do we live.
It’s Ok Not to be Ok
Take a minute to check in with yourself. Be honest. In the past days, weeks, or months have you had feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness that just won’t go away?
Do you recall any angry outbursts, irritability, or frustration over small matters that overrun your day?
Have you had a loss of interest/pleasure in most or all normal activities?
And then when you finally did something fun, did tiredness and lack of energy overwhelm you?
Are you noticing sleep disturbances, including insomnia and restlessness?
Or what about bouts of unexplained anxiety?
And are you having trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things?
Now, I am not telling you all of this to ruin your day. It’s OK, not to be OK sometimes. Just because you had a restless sleep last night, doesn’t mean your mental health is suffering. Maybe that is something to be aware of and keep track of OR maybe it’s your husband’s snoring that’s keeping you up! (I can speak to both situations!)
And I am not pointing these things out to make you feel weak-minded or suggesting that you should control these unwanted thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
When these thoughts, feelings, and emotions go unchecked, it can cause stress to our mental health. Stress that can trigger our nervous system into overdrive. And send our bodies out of whack.
Let me offer you some encouragement. What you are going through is real. You're not overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing. Take heart, it may be biological and/or situational. Or a symptom of living in uncertain times.
The Perfect Storm
The definition of a distressing situation:
o It was unexpected
o The person was unprepared
o There was nothing the person could do to stop it from happening
We live in a fallen world. Every day there are numerous distressing situations that we are unprepared for and there is nothing anyone could do to stop it from happening.
Along with our everyday stress, add the stress of hunting down toilet paper, the emotional toll of living during a worldwide pandemic, and the pressure of being a “perfect” Christian through it all; it’s the perfect storm for a mental breakdown.
With depression and anxiety so prevalent, what does it look like within the church constructs and how do we deal with it when “praying it away” or “holding every thought captive” is not working.
Depression and Anxiety Within God’s People
There’s often been a stigma attached to mental health within the church—as if having faith in Jesus makes you immune from suffering with mental illness. Or you’re still suffering because you have not prayed the right prayers, or there is some deep, hidden sin you are not confessing.
When we think God doesn't understand what we are going through or you feel you are the only person going through this difficult patch, all you have to do is open up the Bible and see that God has been “dealing with” people like you. Like me. Like us. For a very long time.
Let’s look at some spiritual giants in the Bible that struggled with some of the same things we are struggling with today.
Jonah was angry and ran away.
Job suffered great loss and physical illness.
Mose had feelings of anger and betrayal from his own people.
Jeremiah wrestled with great loneliness, feelings of defeat, and insecurity.
Elijah felt alone, afraid, worthless, depressed, and suicidal.
The poor guy couldn’t catch a break! He was called by God to be a prophet, but he was constantly mocked and condemned for doing the right thing. The last straw was when Queen Jezebel wanted him dead. Elijah was just on a spiritual mountain top, relishing his accomplishments for God and BAMM! Down into the emotional valley he slides.
He runs away from friends and family. He withdrawals from everything he knows and finds comfort in. He feels like a failure and cries out that he has had it! He is done. Elijah tells God, “take my life for I am no better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4). He is emotionally spent and physically drained. And he sleeps for days.
Feel like throwing in the towel?
Can’t get out of bed.
Can you relate?
I sure can.
Still not convinced God can relate to your struggle? Let’s look at the poster child of mental anguish, King David as described in this article.
David was troubled and battled deep despair, sadness, depression, rejection, abandonment, and pure anguish.
David struggled his whole life.
He fought a giant ill-equipped.
He was betrayed by a close friend and mentor.
He made poor personal choices that resulted in some harsh consequences.
Dealt with a lot of loss in his life. Losing his best friend, a mentor, a baby, and an older son.
His children were rebellious.
Had a stressful job with the title of “King of God’s chosen people”.
And he faced extreme spiritual pressure being called “a man after God’s own heart”
Some of David’s Old Testament struggles are my present-day reality. And the laments of David in the Psalms resemble my private journal entries.
Psalm 69
“Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck
I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold.
I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help, my throat is parched”
Sound familiar? I know I have called out like this more than once in my life
Heck, I have called out like that several times this week!
Don’t Minimize Your Pain
God didn’t make Elijah feel guilty for his emotions. No shame. God simply accepted where he was and listened. He held space for the prophet to verbally purge out his destructive feelings. And when the emotional storm was over, God ministered to Elijah in the stillness of the moment.
David acknowledged what he was feeling. He cried out to the Lord about this weariness, anger, and worry. David didn’t hide his thoughts, feelings, and emotions. He let it all out. And God listened every time.
So, what does this look like for you? Right now in this dumpster fire of 2020.
Can I offer you some encouragement and suggestions?
Give yourself some grace. Take heart that the greats of the Bible can relate to your situation. They had the same feelings of worry, anxiety, and depression that you are having
Be aware. Give yourself some time to acknowledge what is coming up, and don’t shame it away or minimize your pain. It’s real. Be like David and get it all out. Name it. Look at it. Don’t bury your feelings.
Take a deep breath. See what’s coming up and acknowledge it. Even if you can’t give a name to what you are feeling and why; acknowledge it. Be a witness for whatever is coming up. Bring what you are feeling into the light where shame can’t fester and grow.
Get it out. Perhaps, journal, move your body, go for a walk, sing, cry out to the Lord. But try not to zone out and detach. You know what I mean, endless scrolling on your phone. Do I need to say more?
And then when your thoughts are settled go to God, read His word.
You Are Not Alone
The greatest truth is this, we have a God who understands our pain, who knows about every weakness and hurt, and He still reaches out with compassion and hope.
He is a Healer. Redeemer. Restorer. And a faithful friend.
Don’t feel the need to try to hide your pain, or struggle on your own. Talk to a friend, pastor or counselor.
Let’s tear down the walls of shame we have built around our feeling of anxiety and depression.
Maybe this the revolution/revival the Church is in need of.
If you find yourself in dark places today, know that you’re not alone. Not ever. God knows your heart, you are made in His image, and He is with you always. He longs to mend your broken pieces into a beautiful tapestry.